Mother Peggy Wallis
52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks
Week 24 – June 9, 2025
Prompt: Artistic
Some artists paint with a brush. Others paint with words — and my mother, Peggy Wallis, knew how to spin real-life chaos into perfectly timed poems, never hesitating to embellish a story if it made it better. She knew how to hold a room, and her poems often left people laughing through tears.
This one, Our Dog Died, starts with a simple wish for a pet goat and ends… well, you’ll see. It’s a vivid portrait, painted entirely in her words.
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| Peggy and her "two dollar goat" Ivan - the beginning of a very real and very funny story. |
Page 1
OUR DOG DIED
We needed a pet, a goat I had in mind.
So I searched but one I couldn’t find.
I called the Livestock Auction and said if they had one for sale,
To bid me in on it and then give me a yell.
I had in mind a nanny goat that was sweet and clean —
’Cause I had heard that “Billy” goats got smelly and real mean.
Well, the telephone rang the next morning at eight,
And they said come on down and they would open the gate.
It turned out the little “Kid” was just one day old,
And if not for my bid it would not have been sold
It couldn’t stand up; it wobbled and shook —
And I fell in love with “her” at the very first look.
They said it would need to be fed from a bottle —
For just a few days ’til it learned to toddle.
You might need to give it a few oats from a pan,
And be sure the milk is rich and comes from a can.
I stopped by the store for a bottle and nipple —
It started to suck but could get not a ripple.
So I made two more holes right in the top,
“She” drank and drank and wouldn’t stop.
I bought Quaker Oats cause that seemed best,
But I’ll tell you Quaker didn’t pass the test.
I named her Ivy, after the song,
From “Mares Eat Oats” but I was wrong.
The two things behind that looked like an “udder” —
Just looked that way ’cause I was her mudder (mother).
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| Feeding Ivan by bottle - before the surprise discovery that "she" was actually a "he". |
I held her and fed her for a day or two,
And then I learned something shocking and new.
My husband came out and took one look,
And what he said really got me shook!
The udders I saw were really male balls,
And when I saw for sure I climbed the walls!
I went to the library and got a book,
And “she” was a Billy the more I looked!
I decided to enter him in the County Fair,
But found out “no Billy’s” when I got there!
They gave me the message that he could be “fixed”,
And my emotions were really mixed!
I called the Vet to get his advice —
For nine dollars he “altered” him but he was nice!
I took him there in the new T-Bird,
And such a loud yell you never have heard!
Not from the goat but from the Vet’s new wife,
She assisted him when he took out the knife.
A few days on the bottle wasn’t quite right,
’Cause I was feeding him morning, noon, and night!
Seven weeks went by and I was still his mother,
He would take the bottle but nothing other.
Page 2
But one night I came home and what should I see?
He was eating a leaf from a redbud tree.
Well, his “balls” didn’t grow, but his horns sure did,
So I called the vet to see if they should be rid.
He said not to worry ’til it became cool weather —
’Cause horns and goats really go together.
So from “Ivy” to Ivan his name became.
The neighbor kids came to see me,
But I knew it was Ivan they wanted to see.
I read in a book that goats like company.
So at a garage sale I bought rabbits, but only three.
They got along well, as I had been told,
But you can guess what I should have knowed!
The three rabbits soon turned out to be eight!
They were cuddly and really great.
The eight soon turned into sixteen,
And the sight of them you can never dream.
“Ivan” got too big to sit on my lap,
And I had to clean up a lot of crap!
Well, the weather got cold and I got lazy,
And taking care of those animals drove my poor husband crazy.
Besides, the feed bill was out of sight,
’Cause we had to feed them morning, noon and night!
Ivan got big and could block and butt like a pro,
And my husband came in and said, “these pets must go!!”
I called all my friends and advertised in the paper,
And would you believe I had not one taker?
It was January and getting colder and colder,
And old Ivan kept getting bolder and bolder!
At last I called the "Wilderness Zoo",
To see if there was anything they could do.
They were very excited and wanted them all -
And thanked me and thanked me for my call.
They promised to come the very next day —
And give them a lovely place to stay.
So here I sit all sad and broken hearted,
To think what a two dollar goat was how it all started.
P.S.
Would you believe it’s after 8:00 p.m. –
The zoo people didn’t show – not one sign of them.
We had caught all the does and put in with the buck –
And all they’ve done is fuck and fuck!
So instead of getting rid of my zoo –
I’m starting multiplying two by two.
Thirty-eight years of marriage I have on the line,
I’ve got a problem and running out of time!
Page 3
I called a radio show called “Dial a Trade”,
’Cause I’d heard of some good deals they had made.
The first caller wanted to trade a rooster and hen,
I said, “no deal”, I just couldn’t win!
The next one wanted to know the price,
And I’ll tell you this, I didn’t think twice!
“I’ll take ten bucks for the lot of them”,
(This seemed better than a rooster and hen.)
“They are all yours if you come today,
And promise to take them all away!”
He came driving up with ten “bucks” okay –
But they were white and furry and this was his pay!
“You told me ten bucks on the phone!” he repeated,
And I knew right then I was gonna be cheated!
So we talked and haggled and our toes in the snow,
But I knew, and he knew, those pets had to go.
Well, finally I said you can have them all,
I don’t want a penny, just start to haul!
He rented a “Jar Tram” and as he drove out of sight,
I knew it was nearly the end of my plight!
Just Ivan the goat is left to go -
But it’s dark and cloudy and starting to snow.
My husband came home and said “we’ll keep him awhile,”
It was the first time in a week he had seen me smile!
“Just one other thing I want to tell you,
You’re grounded from auctions and garage sales too!”
But it’s okay with me, he didn’t get my goat,
And it’s because of Ivan this poem was wrote.
January 19, 1983 – Robert E. Lee’s Birthday
By Peggy Wallis
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